Masculine Energy: A Guide to Developing Your Assertiveness and Influencing People

Do you frequently say one of the following or a variation thereof?

• “I can’t understand women, I don’t know why they can’t act normal.”
• “I can’t get a good relationship, I can’t even attract women.”
• “I’m not respected by my friends or co-workers. I feel like a weak man.”

People like this may think: “I need more money.” So what do they do? They go out and get a new job or start making more money.

Eighteen months later…they’re still in the same spot as before.

They then think: “I need a new car”.

They go out and get the car. Eighteen months later where are they? Still in the same spot.

Attracting people, attracting women, attracting opportunities, is not about what you drive or how you dress.

It’s about how you act.

Rather, it’s about projecting an aura of authority and authenticity, which is masculine energy for most men.

In this article, you’re going to learn:

• What separates masculine energy from feminine energy
• Why masculine and feminine energetic polarity is the key to dynamite relationships
• Why you aren’t being masculine right now
• Ways to increase your masculinity and dominant male attributes

Let’s get started.

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What Are Masculine and Feminine Energies?

I want you to think of the most attractive, most feminine woman you know. What does she look like? How do you feel when you’re around her?

I want you now to think of the most masculine man you know. What does he look like? How do you feel around him?

If you pay attention, you’ll notice they both have distinct energy surrounding them.

This distinct energy, this dissonance, is the spark that causes fireworks. It’s the raw attraction between the sexes.

Think of it like magnets.

The more masculine you are, the more you will naturally attract the feminine. Visa-Versa is true as well.

A coin is made of two sides. There is no such thing as a “one-sided coin”.

Masculinity and femininity are the same way. Without one, there isn’t the other. It’s a game of contrast.

This doesn’t necessarily correspond to gender.

Masculine energy and feminine energy exists in all things at all times. If you’re a man reading this, you have both of these energies that make up your psyche, and you find yourself leaning to one or the other most of the time.

Most men tend to naturally lean towards masculine energy due to testosterone (which is 15-17x higher than that of a woman’s).

A woman can be masculine and act masculine, but she will never have the resources at her disposal to tap into it all the way as a man does. The same goes true for a man. He will never be able to be fully feminine like a woman because his physiology will not allow him.

Characteristics of Masculine and Feminine Energy

Despite what many people say about gender, there is a reason why men and women are different.

This has its roots in our origin as a species and it’s unlikely to go away any time soon.

Back when humanity was relatively small and when we needed to survive by any means necessary, we divided ourselves into tiers or groups largely based around competency and ability. This is called a dominance hierarchy.

Men, in particular, were noted for their larger physical size and greater physical strength on average when compared with women (because of the influence of testosterone).

Thus, men assumed the role of hunters and everything associated with it (fighting, aggression, persistence, assertiveness) and women assumed the role of gatherers (collectors, nurturers, social interactions) and everything associated with it.

This “division of labor” kept the tribe running smoothly as all of its bases were covered.

In its physical form, masculine energy, and feminine energy are influenced by hormones and the interaction of testosterone, estrogen, and cortisol (a suppressant of testosterone).

In particular, testosterone has a wide variety of effects on someone’s psychology. This is where the division of masculine and feminine energy starts.

Here’s some basic distinctions between masculine and feminine energy:

• Physical characteristics – Masculine energy is associated with strength and groundedness. Feminine energy is associated with being airy, wispy, free, receptive.
• Social influence – Masculine energy wants to go in a certain, often unexplored direction. This may mean isolation and ostracism from a group. Feminine energy wants to cement social bonds, wants to make sure everyone is “provided” for.
• Focus – Masculine energy is very focused on achieving a certain, single-pointed objective. Prone to tunnel-vision. Feminine energy is very “big picture” and sees the entire panorama. Prone to lack of focus.
• Core desires – Masculine energy wants to push, to conquer, to dominate. Feminine energy wants to be collaborative, it wants to focus on “here and now”.
• Thinking styles – Masculine energy is logical and clear-cut. Thinks in terms of lines and angles. Feminine energy is more creative, more expansive. Thinks in terms of curves and circles.

Together, masculine and feminine energy work as a team. This is why a good relationship can be an asset if you are in your masculine and she is in her feminine.

Everyone has a flux of these energies competing at any given time. No one is 100% feminine or masculine.

That’s what it’s so easy to wear masks and take on the energy that is naturally foreign to you.

Why Masculine/Feminine Polarity Is Difficult to Express

The crisis in mature masculinity is very much upon us. Lacking adequate models of mature men, and lacking the societal cohesion and institutional structures for actualizing ritual process, it’s “every man for himself.” And most of us fall by the wayside, with no idea what it was that was the goal of our gender-drive or what went wrong in our strivings. We just know we are anxious, on the verge of feeling impotent, helpless, frustrated, put down, unloved and unappreciated, often ashamed of being masculine.” – Robert L. Moore, King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Masculine Man

We all wear a mask at any given time.

We wear a mask because our natural personas don’t fully clash with the “acceptable code of conduct” that is expected of us.

At some point in his life, the former boy was told implicitly or explicitly: “You shouldn’t act like that. Being aggressive is bad.”

At some point in her life, the former girl was told implicitly or explicitly: “Stop acting so emotional. You need to toughen up.”

So the boy becomes a “momma’s boy”, the girl becomes a “tough girl”.

Manifested in adult life, this is why many men have trouble getting the lives they want and many women feel like “something’s missing” despite having a great life on paper.

This is also part of the reason why men are lagging behind women when it comes to general life achievement.

Something like “shadow work” is helpful in this situation because it will help you dig to the root of your true desires and eliminate all of that social conditioning bullshit.

Unfortunately, many men (or women) don’t know what true masculinity is because they were never shown a good model of masculinity.

Many men were raised by single mothers and didn’t have a strong male role model in their lives. Or even worse…they had a father who was physically present, but he was either abusive or even used as a handyman by the mother.

Since a lot of guys didn’t have anyone to show them how to express that inner drive, one of two things happen:

• Feminization – The man becomes less sexually polarizing
• Hypermasculinity – The man becomes an over-exaggerated caricature of masculine traits

You see feminization happen when a naturally masculine man starts taking on traits of the feminine. These men are the guys who are overly passive, addicted to validation, and generally have trouble with women as a whole (also known as “nice guys”).

Hypermasculinity is when a man becomes an overly aggressive, overly dominant, unemotional, video game-like shell of his natural essence. These men more often than not end up in jail because they commit brutal crimes.

Generally, it is easier to express feminine energy in our current world because of how it’s set up.

Men who are naturally feminine (yes, there are men like this) will find it easier to move through the world with less trouble.

But on the whole, men and women are at the losing end because men don’t know how to express that raw masculinity and women are looking in vain for the ones that have it.

Everyone’s running around confused, not knowing what the hell to do to attract suitable partners.

This leads to unfilled relationships, unhappiness, and a terrible life.

How to Project Masculine Energy

If you’re a man reading this and you find that you’re lacking that attractive pull on women or you’re finding it difficult to assert yourself, then it’s time to develop more masculine polarity.

As a man, your physiology and psychology is better equipped to tap into masculine energy more so than a woman’s is.

Here’s how you start to increase your masculinity.

Lift Weights or Resistance Training

If you’re familiar with this type of advice, you’ll notice that a majority of it says to lift weights. Why?

Lifting weights encourage testosterone production, which will make you develop more masculine traits.

I truly did not start feeling raw masculinity until I started lifting heavy things and doing more physical activity.

If you need a program to start, I recommend Bigger, Leaner, Stronger by Michael Matthews or Overcoming Gravity for a more calisthenics bent.

Be Decisive

Generally, a woman is looking for someone who can create a clear direction in a relationship. Part of it is gender roles, but part of it is the fact that many women have tumultuous emotions and need someone to help contain those emotions.

Women crave men who can make a decision, stick to it, and plot a plan of attack on how to get there. Indecision is the default in this world.

Start making small decisions and stick to them. Say you’re going to wake up at 6 am…and actually wake up at 6 am… no ifs, ands, or buts.

When you see you can stick to the smaller decisions, your subconscious mind will start aligning with you on making bigger decisions that can actually change the course of your life.

Be Assertive

Assertiveness is the ability to state an opinion, desire, or fact without wavering from your position because of outer pressure.

Assertiveness comes from an inner confidence and an inner type of entitlement.

A lot of guys struggle with being assertive for fear of not being “nice”.

If I said, “the sky is blue”, that’s an easy statement to make assertively because it’s a fact grounded in reality. You could easily make that statement without flinching.

But what if after talking to a girl, you close with: “What’s your number? We should go out sometime”. Could you say that without any doubt or fear? It’s much harder to do. Why? Because you don’t feel entitled to that number.

What about asking for a raise? Are you confidently able to state to your employer why such a raise would be justified?

If you want things in this life, you’re going to have to ask for them. Start learning how to ask for things with confidence and without shame, fear, or guilt. All of the men we look up to of past or present believed they deserved the good things in life.

Dig Deep (on a Project or a Vision)

One of the main characteristics of the masculine is the ability to develop a clear-cut vision. This isn’t to say that the feminine lacks vision, but one of the things that define a masculine state of mind is “purpose”. It knows where it’s going and it carves out space for others to follow.

Let’s use someone like James Bond for example. James Bond is not successful with women because he’s “James Bond”. He’s successful with women because they are the extras in his movie, it’s his show.

If a woman wants him, great. If she doesn’t, great as well. The core mission remains tethered (back to that sense of groundedness I mentioned earlier). In short, he doesn’t put women on a pedestal because that’s not his core vision.

Developing a grand, overarching purpose for your life will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning and it will give you the fire and drive to engage in goal-setting. Start by coming up with a vision of where you want to be in 1 year and even 5 years.

Study Masculine Figures in History

One of the best ways to develop your masculinity is to take queue from other masculine men. You can do this by examining contemporary figures but sometimes, it’s best to go back into the past and see what masculinity was and how it was expressed throughout history. A good way to do this is by reading biographies and autobiographies of male leaders (one of my favorites is Alexander the Great).

Even though some of these men weren’t necessarily role models, you can learn a lot about masculinity especially by looking at the darker parts of it.

Have a Strong Masculine Frame

“Your woman knows your weaknesses better than anybody. She knows where you will falter and give up. She knows the degree of mediocrity you will settle for. And, she knows your true capacity as a full man, a man of free consciousness and love. Her gift, if she is a good woman, is to test you with her darkest moods, over and over and over, until your consciousness is unperturbed by feminine challenge.” – David Deida, Way of the Superior Man

This is one of the most important points: having a strong masculine frame.

“Frame” is a term from social psychology that refers to someone’s sense of influence within an interaction.

Frame is a cornerstone of social intelligence and without it, it is impossible to project true masculinity.

This leads from the following point because “frame” generally refers to how you see the world and yourself in it. If you have a weak frame, you’ll find yourself getting smashed down by others in social situations and swaying to other people’s opinions.

Part of the reason why women test men is because they want to know: “is this a man who I can feel comfortable and safe with?” If women detect weak frame, it’s game over.

If you have a strong frame, you’ll hold your ground no matter how much you’re tested on your values.

How to Hold Dominant Masculine Frame

1. Stand Your Ground – Learning how to stand up for yourself in mentally trying situations is how you can develop frame – fast. For example, on a night out, you approach a woman. She not only rejects you, but embarrasses you in front of your friends and her friends. What do you do? Run away with your tail tucked between your legs in shame or shrug your shoulders and say “oh well, your loss“? These situations are what will define your overall sense of “frame”.
2. Meditation -Meditation is how you create a centered baseline of emotions. Whatever happens, “you” are not affected. Meditation helps you tap into that central part of you that’s strong and solid – like an oak tree in a storm.
3. Positive Ecosystem – Think of your life as an ecosystem. A diverse ecosystem can survive a few species dying because it has so many other pieces in it. A barren ecosystem with a couple of species most likely will not. Going back to that example of rejection, one rejection shouldn’t phase you. You should have so much stuff going on in your life that even if you are shot down by a girl or have a bad day at work or whatever, it’s just no skin off your nose.
4. Keep Progressing -Whatever you’re doing in your life, you should be getting better than the day before. In a year’s time, you should be much better and in 5 years, it should be a quantum leap. Never let a day pass without improving in one area of your life.

Conclusion (Pick Up the Challenge)

If you are a man who leans towards masculine energy, answering the call to step fully into your masculinity isn’t easy.

Expressing masculine energy freely and unashamedly is quite a task when the prevailing social narrative tells you to “sit down and shut up”. Inside virtually every man is a roaring lion, one that wants to spread its wings, soar, conquer, and most of all – connect with the feminine.

I highly encourage you to develop that gusto, that thumos inside that will enable you to live a life you’re proud of and one with all of the friends and love you desire.

Let me know in the comments: how are you developing your masculine energy?