Status Games: Understanding Status and How to Elevate Your Own (Social) Status

If there’s anything we like to do as humans, it’s show off.

Cars, clothes, fancy job titles, luxury items, living situations…you name it. We want to flaunt it if we’ve got it. Why is this?

It’s because we as human beings (like most other social animals) are primed towards status and status-seeking behaviors.

In fact, this priming is a large source of motivation for young people, especially men.

If you want to take advantage of this motivation, you need to understand how status works.

This article is going to be a brief overview of how you can increase your social status, why it’s incredibly important, and things that can hurt or distort your view of yourself, preventing you truly making progress.

Status is a very complex topic, but I’ll try my best to scratch the surface.

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Why Care About Status?

Status is something we are all aware of at some level, but polite society says it “doesn’t matter”.

Here’s the clincher – we can’t get away from seeking status. It is inbuilt in us to be dreadfully aware of it. Our brain is primed to scan the environment for high or low-status individuals. Why?

At our genetic core, we are hunter-gatherers. Our ancestors lived in a world where they had to group together to maximize resources. This meant paring together with people who could offer value in some way to ensure survival.

Since it’s part of how we analyze and view the world, there’s two options:

You can pretend as if it doesn’t exist.

Ignorance is bliss, right? After a period of time, you’ll find yourself getting the rug pulled from under you again and again and again – and you have no understanding why.

It may be because those people who wronged you are jerks. It may also be because you have a shallow/non-existent understanding of status.

You don’t want to be low status. It’s a terrible way to live because people treat you bad and you’ll feel bad.

What’s the alternative?

Recognizing it exists and acting accordingly.

So we realize it exists, but what exactly is it?

What (Social) Status is (and is Not)

Simply put: status in most areas come down to “competence”, aka, “how well you have your shit together”.

Competence creates confidence. Confidence is simply the assurance to self and others that a desirable end-state will be reached for an objective.

If you display high competence (confidence) in a specific area and others don’t, you will be seen as the de facto leader.

If a building is on fire and everyone else is panicking while you stay calm and start giving orders, people will listen to you.

“Confidence” without competence is simply arrogance. Many teenagers and young adults are arrogant because they have no life experience in any given area.

Arrogance is a simply a smokescreen for lack of true ability.

Men and Status: The Intertwined Interplay

Status matters to humans, but especially to men.

In ancient times, a young male had to prove himself to others in order to earn the title of “man”. Being known as a “man” conferred status because it showed he had competence in areas that were beneficial to others.

We no longer have these ancient “rites of passage” today, but all men more or less are aware of status at some level.

We go to the gym to improve our physique. Why? More status – because we’re seen as strong and tough.

We ascend the career ladder to get a better title or more money. Why? More status – because we’re seen as knowledgeable in our field.

We do these things to prove ourselves and others that we’re known as “real men” who can be self-reliant and stand on our own two feet.

Most of all, we do these things to prove to women that we’re a worthy mate, because men weren’t guaranteed to reproduce.

The search for status impacts men in many ways and is partially why adolescent males do stupid things in the close proximity of women in an attempt to impress them. I’ve been there and I know you have too.

False Status Metrics and the Modern Delusion

If you want an accurate view of your progress in any area, you need good metrics.

If those metrics are faulty or diluted by junk, you’re going to get an inaccurate reading for areas of improvement.

Our modern world offers lots of “false positives” that give inaccurate readings to yourself and others.

You open yourself up to aiming for the wrong things in which to gain status, wasting time in the process.

It’s like driving to Texas when you should have been flying to Hawaii.

Here’s some areas that can distort how you or other people see you.

“Looking Rich”

Many years ago, if you could afford brand names like Chanel, Rolls Royce or buy a large house in the suburbs, you were legitimately wealthy. This was before the easy access to credit.

Now, if you have a credit card or a large line of credit, you can “afford” to buy these things even if you have a negative bank account balance.

Thomas Stanley talks about this in the Millionaire Next Door.

“Wealth is not the same as income. If you make a good income each year and spend it all, you are not getting wealthier. You are just living high. Wealth is what you accumulate, not what you spend.” – Thomas Stanley, the Millionaire Next Door

If you truly want an accurate read on your level of monetary status, ask yourself “if I were to lose my source of income today, how long could I survive without using credit cards or loans?”

Social Media

In years past, one’s status (social or otherwise) was determined by the people in his immediate environment.

His family, his friends, his coworkers, and acquaintances would give an answer to the question: “Am I seen as someone valuable by those around me?”

With the Internet, our social status comparison now extends way beyond our town, city, or country. We can make status comparisons with someone on the other side of the planet.

We enter a Twilight Zone where everyone is happy, happy, happy all. the. damn. time.

People now compete for arbitrary, feel-good Internet points in the form of likes and/or comments.

You may be comparing your cooking skills with someone who knows how to take good food photography.

You may be comparing your physique with someone who is on performance-enhancing drugs.

You may be comparing your overall life with someone who has it financed by mommy and daddy.

Social media affects women to a large degree, who are susceptible to using it as a tool for validation based on physical attractiveness.

Dating Sites

Most people reading this are by definition of “average” physical attractiveness. You’re not ugly, you’re not extremely beautiful, you are right in the center. There’s nothing wrong with that, statistically speaking, there are few outliers.

But here’s the dangers of dating sites: they can give an inaccurate reading of someone’s overall attractiveness and thus someone’s “status”.

Sites like Tinder, OkCupid, eHarmony, etc. are heavily stacked against men. Why?

Have you ever seen a man with a woman and ask yourself: “why is she with him?”

That’s because there is much more to attraction than physical attributes and dating sites don’t give people the chance to show that off.

As a result, people who would be considered “great catches” in real life get passed over in pursuit of those who have expertly taken profile pictures.

Worst of all, online dating creates the illusion of scarcity for people who get no matches at all.

They then start to think: “is something wrong with me?”, when in reality they just didn’t get the chance to let the true them – shine forth.

I would advise anyone (especially men) to avoid online dating. It can be a colossal waste of time (and money) in addition to giving you massive hits on your self-esteem (for being swiped over/getting no matches or responses).

There’s more, but that’s enough self-image destroying material. Let’s get into the good stuff.

How to Increase Your Social Status

We are all given a hard, non-negotiable genetic hand we have to deal with. Some of us got lucky and had parents who were very tall. Some of us suffered an accident which leads to a physical deformity when we were young. Some of us had parents who’s genes combined to create someone who looks like Chris Hemsworth on a bad day.

Height, skin color, ethnicity, bone structure, etc., these are all fixed. There’s nothing we can do about the hand we’re given.

What matters is how we play it. What matters is how we max out what we’re given and take it to its hard limit. What is that hard limit? You won’t know until you try.

Thus, this is where personal development comes into play.

Play your cards right and you can win.

The Truth about Status

As with most things, status is relative because it is a comparison among the people in that group. This means your status will fluctuate depending on what group you’re in. What is permissible in one group will be seen as “low status” in another group.

However, there are several exceptions that create a slight perception of “universal attractiveness”. For example:

• Someone who appears to be physically strong will be looked at favorably in comparison to someone who is not.
• Someone who has good personal hygiene will be looked at favorably in comparison to someone who does not.
• Someone who can speak clearly will be looked at favorably in comparison to someone who does not.

These are all a small set of traits that we are generally attracted to (especially in the Western world). You do not have to have all of these, but “ticking the boxes” comprises a majority of these.

1. Have Solid Financials

I mentioned money in the “false positives” section. Here’s how you know you’re headed in the right direction:

• Low to no debt. If you have debt, it can be paid off within the next 6-12 months.
• “Travel around the world” money, as in you can quit your job today and be good for a year.
• An emergency that costs $1,000 or more can be covered with easily accessible money.
• A rising net worth every year.

This is what a solid financial background looks like. It’s not millionaire status (different game entirely), but one where you don’t feel tied down because you’re barely keeping your head above water.

Money isn’t everything, but it will largely determine what you can and cannot do when it comes to your lifestyle. You may never get to Dan Bilzerian-type of escapades, but you can get pretty far and have lots of fun while you’re still young.

If you’re still in school, you don’t necessarily have to think about this (yet), but start orienting your mindset towards one of earning more money than you spend.

How to start: Your income and earning ability is the biggest driver of your wealth. These two should be going up every year. You learn skills then get someone to pay you for those skills. You earn money in one of two ways, active (working a job, consulting) or passive (stocks, real estate). You need active income before you can earn passive income and you need to be near debt free before you can even start to think about passive income. Personal finance is beyond the scope of this article, but check out How to Think About Money by Jonathan Clements and I Am Net Worthy by Chris Smith.

2. Be In Good Shape

Men and women inevitably equate bigger, taller, and bulkier as someone who is high status. Why? Because if shit hits the fan, this person can protect us. It is hard-wired into us.

If you’re a man, there’s not much you can do about the height part. But you can still get a great physique.

It’s much harder for women who are considered “flat” because their curves are largely influenced by genetics and hormones. If he eats right and trains well, any man can still develop an incredible physique.

I know this because I’ve added 40+ lbs to my frame over the past couple of years. Adding muscle and trimming fat has a massive impact on your physical appearance.

How to start: Not everyone likes the gym. If you’re overweight and just want to lose fat, I’d recommend taking up walking, running, or hiking. If you’re a skinny dude like I was, you’ll need to do calisthenics or lift weights. There’s a whole science behind gaining muscle and losing fat. The best approach I’ve found is Bigger, Leaner, Stronger by Mike Matthews. It’s easy to implement and even easier to understand.

3. Personal Grooming/Fashion

Everyone likes someone who has a great personal appearance. This involves having the aforementioned good physique to drape threads on but also good clothes as well.

If you have a good haircut, clear skin, and some simple but punchy threads, you are well on your way to a good physical appearance.

Style advice is beyond the scope of this article, but here’s some deeper dives:

• Ape to Gentleman
• Stitch Fix Style Guide

4. Be Well-Read/Worldly

No one likes someone who’s one-dimensional. Being one-dimensional comes from having a shallow understanding of the world and how it operates. How do you bust out of that mindset? You bust out the books and start traveling, of course.

Reading “a book a week” and travel have become cliches in our Instagram-ready, “everyone’s an entrepreneur” world, but they help bust down the biased nature that we all inherently have.

When you’re able to talk about a wide variety of topics, people will see you as someone who possesses a lot of status because you somehow have the time and money to explore these things.

Don’t know where to start? Here’s some resources to help:

• Best Travel Destinations for Millennial Travelers
• Best Books to Read In Your 20s

5. Have a Fun Lifestyle

As you start to read down this list, you can easily see why having money is at the top/forefront.

A “fun and interesting” lifestyle inevitably requires some disposable income to finance. “Fun and interesting” will vary among who you talk to, but most people would agree that it’s one of someone who’s always doing something and “in motion”.

Why does this increase your perceived status? Having a ton of things you’re doing makes you less “needy” for attention from other people in order to feel whole. An abundance mentality is associated with someone who has high status.

Here’s some of what that looks like.

• Physical Activity
• Projects Outside Work
• Stories From Life Events and Travels
• Volunteerism
• Hobbies

I’d encourage you to just try throwing things at the wall and see what sticks. Most things that you should be involved in should have a social element.

6. Speaking With Confidence

As mentioned before, being able to speak clearly, knowing how to flow in conversation, and project confident body language is one aspect of social intelligence.

Beyond that, you have to understand what drives (most) people and different motivations for doing things. This involves learning empathetic skills and becoming what I call an “inside thinker” and seeing things from their point of view.

It’s not easy, but with enough practice it is doable. Here are some resources to get started:

• How to Reduce Your Social Anxiety
• How to Keep a Conversation Going

Conclusion

To sum up it up: status is something we invariably chase. There are certain things that you can do that will raise or lower your status. We are all given a genetic hand at birth and different life circumstances that will influence our status, but we must do the very best with the hand we’re given. For the most part, a high-status individual is someone who takes their life into their own hands and becomes greater than their genetics, their environment, and most importantly – themselves.

What do you think about status? How has status impacted you positively or negatively? Let me know in the comments.